Things I learned about myself from my dog:

1: When I come home, there ought to be fireworks and the fatted calf should be killed.

2: When I sweat I should think twice about showering it off because it’s very tasty.

3: I eat like a king every single meal.

4: I’m so interesting that even when I’m typing on the computer you should never take your eyes off of me because you just never know what fascinating thing I’m going to do next.

He is much happier than he looks!

5: Going on a walk around the block with me is better than going to Disney Land.

6: Those people who walk by the house have a lot of nerve and better not mess with me.

7: I am a master chef with dry dog food and imported deer guts from New Zealand.

8: I can make you go to sleep just by rubbing a certain spot behind your ears.

9: Apparently, my trash is really treasure and should be rescued and scattered around the kitchen.

10: The most valuable seat in the house is the one on the couch beside me and no matter who is sitting there you should crawl over them and contort your body so that you can put your head in my lap.

Then they’ll probably move and you can have me all to yourself.

Maybe.