BY LESLIE QUANDER WOOLDRIDGE NOV 18, 2020
Your ex is gone. The breakup feels like a mistake. Can you get back together?
It’s something a lot of guys have wondered about at some point or another. Google the phrase “how to get your ex back,” and you’ll find more than 3 billion search results.
But before you try to reunite, consider this: Do you really want your ex back, or are you just lonely? Or bored?
If either applies, please don’t be that dude texting “WYD” when you have no real plans to make an effort.
Also consider whether you want to reconnect because of pride or to get a win. “Most of us are taught from the time we were little boys [to] win, get the prize, outwork the other guy, do whatever it takes to get this target, this prize,” explains relationship coach Lee Wilson. “And sometimes that mindset goes into a relationship.”
The thought of “losing” can make you crave an ex and make them seem more attractive than they would otherwise. If you know deep down they’re not really a match, it might be better to let them go.
One more note: If there was any kind of abuse, or if you broke up due to issues like an undiagnosed mental health concern or addiction, now is likely not the time to try to get back together.
These issues can require individual attention and professional help.
All that said, if you see a real future, and you’re willing to work for a better round two, put this expert-approved plan in play.
Take responsibility for your part in the breakup.
Do you know what you did wrong? Have you grown since then?
Answer these questions for yourself. If you’re still in the “My ex is so crazy and it’s all their fault” phase, you’re probably not ready to reconcile.
If you made mistakes and want to get back together, “you’ve got to show remorse,” Wilson adds. FULL Men’s Health Interview with Coach Lee Wilson
I talk about more details like this in my Emergency Breakup Kit, including how to handle requests for meet ups, what to do when you see them face to face, whether or not you should suggest it, etc.